


Ad Infinitum

by AnneWhynn



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Catalyst - Freeform, ME3, Mass Effect 3, Mass Effect 3 ending rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7885876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneWhynn/pseuds/AnneWhynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The end has come. Elrika Shepard is faced with a choice. But, for once, Elrika Shepard turns to words instead of bullets in a desperate attempt to stave off the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Crucible

**Part I**

**_The Crucible_ **

**[N7]**

 

How did it come to this…?

Commander Elrika Shepard gazed at the three choices before her, fighting off waves of exhaustion and agony. She was dying. She knew that. There was no getting around it. She was dead the moment Harbinger’s beam weapon struck the glancing blow to her. She was covered in third degree burns and open wounds. She had internal bleeding. Broken bones.

It was the end for her.

But not for the galaxy.

The fact that it boiled down to a simple choice made her feel sick. All she could think of was ‘why’.

Why a choice?

Why was this happening?

Why _her_?

Her bright green eyes flickered to the red. A flash of Anderson, his resolve, his strength. Grief was a dissonant note in her aching heart.

She couldn’t destroy the Reapers. That meant destroying the geth. And she had come too close to losing Tali in trying to help the geth for that to be a viable option now. It had to be worth something.

And she would not dishonour Legion’s sacrifice.

Her eyes strayed away from the right and she looked at the section to the left, to the soothing blue. She could control them. Make them leave. But if they broke loose one day…? And the galaxy hadn’t recovered sufficiently? And what made her think she could do something the Illusive Man failed to do?

What if _she_ was indoctrinated?

Her eyes darted back to the verdant beam in the centre. Green symbolised life. Symbolised new beginnings. She would become something new. A being who was both organic and cybernetic, to create a synthesis of organic and synthetic life. The next stage of evolution? How was that _natural_?

How was _any_ of this natural?

And no matter what she chose…  the Mass Relays would be destroyed. Her galaxy would be crippled with conventional FTL travel. They would never be the same. They’d be destroyed regardless.

And she was going to break her promise to Garrus.

 Elrika Shepard lowered her eyes and stared at the ground before her, fighting to breathe past what she knew was a collapsed lung, fighting to breathe past the insurmountable agony welling up from the core of her soul. She was Elrika Shepard. Everyone thought she was untouchable. Unbreakable. A single woman uniting the galaxy and bringing the fight to the Reapers. And now… now this seemed so… _stupid_. So pointless. Like everything she did was for nothing. Like all of her choices, all of her fighting, everything, didn’t matter. It would come to this moment regardless.

 _I just want to go back to him_.

Elrika lifted her head and blinked back tears. She couldn’t change the past. But she could change the future. She could change _his_ future. She could give him one. The alternative was not acceptable to her.

Not an option.

Death was an acceptable price to pay for Garrus’s life.

“Catalyst.”

The holographic image of the child beside her, the child of her dreams, said, “Yes?”

Had that child even been real? Had the child ever truly existed? Was it merely a delusion? Or was the child an illusion by the Catalyst?

Was… any of this even real?

Doubts upon doubts. Was this what the Reapers wanted her to see? Was this just some final trick, so she’d walk off the precipice into damnation?

 _So tired_ …

One thing was real, though. So very real.

“I need a favour.”

“What do you require?”

**[N7]**

+ _Garrus_.+

Turian steps faltered and Garrus felt his heart slam into his ribs. Relief at hearing her voice was quickly swallowed by utter despair as he heard the pain in it. She was injured. Badly. But there was more pain than just physical.

Something that frightened him to his core.

“Elrika,” he whispered.

From the corner of his eye he saw Liara and the others turn sharply at her name. They were scouring the rubble at the base of the beam, searching through the corpses. He was barely functioning from the damage to his body, damage that had caused Shepard to order him clear. But she was missing and the last person that had tried to dissuade him from scouring the ruins had almost been bitten.

Literally.

Now her blessed, breathy, agonised voice was in his ear, and Garrus wanted to howl with frustration.

“Where are you? What’s your condition? We’ll-”

+ _I’m on the Citadel. I’m about to activate the Crucible._ \+ He heard her grimace, her whisper-soft voice thready with agony. + _I needed to talk to you first_.+

“Talk when you get back,” Garrus snapped, shaking his head. He wasn’t sure why he did it. Perhaps a denial of her words? Of what he knew she was doing, even without her saying it? “Come back to me, Elrika, and we can-”

+ _I’m not coming back, Garrus_ …

 _But you promised_ …

+ _There’s a synthetic life up here. A consciousness. The leader of the Reapers._ +

“Then kill it!”

+ _I can’t. It’s given me a choice. Look, Garrus. I don’t have much time._ +

“There is no choice!” he roared. “Destroy the Reapers and come home, Elrika. You _swore_ to me. You _swore_ you’d come home to me!”

+ _I’m so sorry, Garrus_.+ Tears. He heard tears. He had only ever seen Elrika cry once. Now he was hearing the second time.

“No…” His chest hurt. His very soul screamed out. His legs gave way as he dropped to his knees and buried his claws into his chest armour, trying to dig his heart out and stop the pain. “Elrika…”

**[N7]**

The pain in his voice had her gasping, tears spilling faster. She would have given anything to spare him the agony of what was to come. But the Crucible had made its decision; she could choose the future of the galaxy, but her life would be forfeit in exchange.

 _Acceptable_ , she told herself. _Acceptable_.

 _Not fair_ , screamed another part of herself.

It was selfish of her to think that she deserved a happy ending when everyone else didn’t get one. How many sons and daughters had died, leaving parents bereft? How many husbands and wives fell to the Reapers? Lovers. Mothers. Fathers. Gone.

The people she had also lost to the war. Kaidan. Mordin. Anderson.

What made her think she deserved a happy ending? What made her think she deserved to be happy with the one she loved?

_Because everyone asked everything of me! Because I worked so fucking hard. Because I never stopped. Never rested! I just want some goddamn peace!_

Elrika sank to her knees before her choice, tears flowing down her face. They landed in pink explosions at her feet, watering down the blood on her skin.

“I’m so sorry, Garrus.” The words burst from her. She hugged her good arm to her chest, trying to hold herself together as her body tried to splinter apart.

She remembered his face, his laughter, his smile. Remembered his arms around her. His forehead against hers. Her body over hers. Breathing became difficult as she fought against hyperventilating with her utter despair. “I’m gonna find out what turian wine tastes like. I’ve always wanted to. And when… when you get there I’ll shout you the first round at that bar, okay?”

+ _No_! _Damn it, if you’re going, I’m going. You hear me?! No Shepard without Vakarian! That’s what you said_!+

His resolute words galvanised her through her pain. Sharpened her mind. She choked back the tears immediately.

“Listen to me, Garrus,” she snapped. “I don’t have much time. I’m going to bleed to death before help can get to me anyway. So I’m going to do what I can. I have a chance to save everyone. You have to respect what I’m about to do. You hear me?” Elrika’s vision greyed and she dug her fingers into the deepest wound in her side. Pain splintered like light-stained glass through her mind. “You hear me, Garrus?”

**[N7]**

Garrus couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t even comprehend what was being told to him. She wasn’t going to survive. That was never part of his plans. He didn’t realise until that moment that he had actually simply expected her to live. It was just an accepted fact. She would live. And that because she lived, so would he. But the idea of Elrika Shepard dying and of not being able to be with her in the end?

No. No this couldn’t be happening.

“I… I…”

He couldn’t exist without her. There was no Garrus without her.

No. That was wrong. He could function without her. Live without her. He would continue to eat and breathe and wake up, but it would be an emptiness the likes of which he did not want to contemplate. A life without colour. Without taste. Without sound or sight.

She filled holes he did not know he had. She lifted him when he did not know he was weighed down. She gave him purpose and drive and will when his own did not work. He could live without her. He did not _want_ to live without her. He didn’t want to exist without her. He didn’t care if the Reapers won. He just wanted to be with her.

As if sensing his thoughts, or perhaps simply because she knew him so well, she whispered, + _Don’t do anything stupid, Garrus. This is for you. I am doing this for your_ tomorrow _. So please. Please see it. For me. Please see every dawn afterwards for me. Live._ +

“I don’t want to,” he gasped, clutching his head. He didn’t care about the war around him. He didn’t care about the battle or the dead. He didn’t care about Earth, or Palaven, or the Reapers. “Not without you… Please. Not without you.”

**[N7]**

“Don’t you dare throw this away, Garrus,” Elrika looked up at the Earth, visible above her head. Somewhere, up there, was Garrus. Her heaven.  “This is what we’re fighting for. A future. A tomorrow. I’m doing this for you. I need you… I need you to give me a reason. I need the reason to be your survival, okay? I need you to be my strength right now. Can you promise me that?”

+ _You swore I’d never be alone! You SWORE TO ME_.+

Elrika gasped at the pain she heard in his voice, magnifying her own. She clutched her heart, fighting to speak through them. “I meant it. I’ll always be with you.”

+ _It’s not the same_!+ Then, his voice quiet with despair, broken with grief, he whispered, + _Please... Don’t leave me_ …+

Elrika locked her teeth against the searing agony of leaving him. She couldn’t see a foot in front of her through the tears. “I would be lying if I said I don’t regret a thing,” she admitted. “I don’t regret meeting you, though. Even if we only had…” Oh, God, had it only been a year together? Maybe two, if they were lucky. “I don’t regret meeting you. I don’t. Or falling in love with you. I don’t regret anything.” A lie. She couldn’t let her last words to him be a lie. She covered her face with her hands, sobbing aloud.

“I wish we had longer, Garrus. I wish we had longer together. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!”

**[N7]**

Hearing her apologise undid him completely. He couldn’t cry. Turians had not developed the function. They had no tear ducts. So instead they vocalised their feelings. And every turian in hearing radius was quietly echoing the wails of grief that he was emitting, unable to control themselves.

+ _I love you, Garrus_ ,+ she sobbed into his hear. + _I love you. I love you so much. Please promise me you’ll see tomorrow. Promise me you’ll help your people rebuild. Please_.+

He couldn’t. He couldn’t promise. He couldn’t even get the words out.

+ _And then, when the galaxy is rebuilt, somewhere, a human girl will be born. And a turian boy. And we’ll meet again, Garrus. Because that’s how it goes. That’s how the cycle goes, Garrus. But you have to help rebuild, Garrus. So we can find each other again. And you have to make sure they honour my promises. The krogan and the rachni, and all the things I swore to do. You have to make sure it happens, Garrus. You’re the only one I can trust to do it._ ”

Garrus clutched his chest and gasped. “I promise.”

He heard her sigh, and it was as if she was no longer in pain. + _Thank you_. _I’ll see you soon, okay_?+

Garrus buried his face against the ground. “I love you…”

There was a burst of static. And she was gone.

Garrus was still for a moment. Silent.  Then the pain came. A thunderous roar that started in his chest and ripped through him. Tiny barbs in his nerves. Fire in his blood. Eating him alive. It boiled out of him. He covered his head with his fingers. Felt his claws bite into his gloves. He screamed into the earth at the unfairness of it all.

Then he threw his head back in a howl of raw anguish and hatred that he hoped the Reapers would hear in their final moments.

**[N7]**

Elrika gave herself over to grief briefly, weeping aloud, like a child, lost in her grief of never being able to see him again. She simply indulged in her pain for a time, head back, tears staining her hair. The tears ended anticlimactically. They simply died off, and her sobs stilled, and she opened her eyes again. Focusing on the green pillar of light.

 _For him_.

She didn’t give a damn about the galaxy. Or the Reapers. She didn’t give a damn about Earth or Palaven or humans or turians

Just Garrus.

His future.

His tomorrow.

That’s all she cared about.

Elrika pushed herself to her feet, stumbling slightly. The room swayed as she walked slowly toward the beam of white-blue light. As she did, she spoke, perhaps simply trying to keep herself conscious. She wasn’t sure. “You know, your reason is fucking bullshit.”

Behind her, the Catalyst didn’t respond.

Elrika glanced over her shoulder. “You said that the Cycle was inevitable. That Reapers were here to save us. Your… solution.”

“Correct.”

“But there wasn’t a _problem_ ,” insisted Elrika. She came to a stop, staring at the light before her. “There wasn’t a problem.” Her mind whirled, even through the pain. “There was no problem at all.”

The Catalyst was calm in the wake of her rage. “Organic life is doomed to cause its own destruction. Organic life will create synthetic life. Synthetic life will inevitably destroy organic life. Eventually synthetic life will seek the extinction of all organic life, resulting in galactic stagnation. We prevent that.”

“That makes no fucking sense!”

“We prevent extinction by removing its possibility. We cultivate continued growth. We ensure the Cycle continues. As long as organic species never reach the level of artificial sentience creation, there is no risk.”

“Bullshit! That’s absolute bullshit.” Elrika turned, shaking her head.

“Your health is failing you. You do not have much time. I suggest you hurry.”

It was right. If she wanted to choose, she had to walk, not talk. But she knew, now, that this was why she was here.

Because Elrika Shepard would spit in the face of God if she had to.

“You claim we don’t understand you.  But it’s you that doesn’t understand us. And because you don’t understand us, you think we deserve to die.”

“You will not die. You will be harvested, and ascend into Reaper form. We are your salvation.”

“Salvation from _what_?” laughed Elrika, with more strength than she expected. “We never needed saving until the Reapers came!”

The Catalyst blinked. “From your own self-destruction. We are order. You are chaos. We are infallible. You are finite. We preserve. You destroy.”

Elrika jerked her chin at the scene above the Catalyst’s head. “Oh really? Because I see a lot of Reapers doing a hell of a lot of destroying.”

The Catalyst did not turn to look. “Organics would do the same, eventually.”

“You don’t _know_ that.” Elrika clenched her fists, closing her eyes. “You’re just _guessing_.”

The Catalyst blinked once more. “It is the most logical outcome.”

“But it is not the _only_ one,” Elrika forced out, slashing her hand through the air. The movement disrupted her balance and sapped her strength, and she fell to her knees. With a moan of pain, she looked over her shoulder, at the beam. Then back at the Catalyst. “Don’t you see? That’s the _beauty_ of chaos. The beauty of _life._ In chaos, the outcomes are infinite, and all possible. We have a chance to change. To learn. So what if we destroy one another! We get over it. We heal. We adapt! Life goes on! And you would take that from us!”

Elrika pushed herself up, looking at the beam. Fresh tears poured down her face as she thought of Kaidan, three years dead, but still so fresh in her mind. His easy mannerism. His smile. His stupid hairstyle. The emotional uncertainty he was always in. His pain over Rahna. She recalled his last words vividly.

‘ _I don’t regret a thing, Commander_.’

 _I do! I’m full of regrets! And this whole war is the biggest fucking one_! _You would never have died if not for the Reapers!_

“This entire goddamn war, everything you’re trying to justify, that’s _all_ your fault. Yours!”

“In the past, organic life-”

“They weren’t _us_ ,” snarled Elrika. She paused for breath, bowing her head as she fought to breathe past her collapsed lung. As she did, something occurred to her. A clarity of thought sang like a single note. She looked up. “We’ve already proven you wrong.” Her voice was a whisper.

The Catalyst blinked again, and Elrika realised this must have been an indication that it was processing something. “Explain.”

Elrika still had strength. Enough strength, maybe, to crawl toward the beam. But if she did, she would not have the breath to speak.

But if she spoke, she would not have the strength to crawl.

 _Spit in the eye of God_.

She chose.

“The geth co-exist peacefully with the quarians, a race that tried to kill them. That created them, and turned against them. Now they work together! Fight together. The krogan got over their hatred of the salarians. They fight beside the turians, who were the ones that used the genophage the salarians created. The Council races are accepting the krogan again. And, before that, humans and turians worked together to build my ship! We did that. On our own. Without outside influence. Because we had a _chance_. Because we _lived_.” Elrika shoved herself forward again, this time with one arm.

“The Cycle cannot be broken.”

“We already had a fucking cycle without Reapers!”

The Catalyst blinked. “Explain.”

“Death, damn it!” Elrika looked back at the beam, locking her jaw. “Death is the natural order. The natural cycle! One that predated even you!”

“So why are you fighting the Reapers if you acknowledge this inevitability?”

“Not harvesting, you close-minded synthetic fuck,” she spat. “Not ‘ascending’. Death!” Her moment of strength faded away and tears fell from her eyes, dripping to the cold metal. “And rebirth. We are born. We live. And we die. And then we are born again. Life doesn’t _end_ with death. Our bodies return to the soil, and nurture new life, which sustains the new generation. A cyclic pattern that came about on its own.  _Without_ the Reapers. And our souls?” She broke down briefly, memories tumbling before her eyes. She laughed. “We are all stardust.”

Legion turning to face them. ‘ _Does this unit have a soul_?’

Tali desperately reaching for him. ‘ _Legion. The answer to your question is yes_.’

‘ _I know, Tali_.’

Elrika gasped with pain, clutching her chest. “Our souls move on. And find new homes. And we live _again_. We aren’t taken. We aren’t harvested. Not the next generation of organics. Or the next cycle of extinction. _Us_. Our bodies. Our energy. Our soul. And we become a _part_ of the next cycle. _That_ is the cycle that cannot be broken.”

“Cerberus disproved this by bringing you back from the dead.”

“And _why_ did they do this?” coughed Elrika, spitting out a fresh gout of blood. Her energy was spent. She could go no further. “Because of the _Reapers_. You… are a violation of _order_.”

“No-”

“Reapers drove the rachni insane and started the rachni wars. Now they’re choosing to work with us, in peace, after I chose to spare them. The rachni wars caused the salarians to uplift the krogan, which caused the krogan rebellion, which caused the genophage. The Reapers drove Cerberus against their own race. Saren. The geth war. Reapers. All Reapers. The Reapers are not _order_. You’ve done nothing but sew chaos for this Cycle.”

“You are wrong. Organic life is chaos. You only destroy. The Reapers are your salvation.”

“No. You’re just… an end.”

 “… explain.”

“We create.” Elrika lay down, coughing wetly. “We make life. We make cities, and societies. We build. And we rebuild. We repair. We fix. We change. We love.”

“Love is irrelevant.”

“Love is never irrelevant.” Elrika closed her eyes. “What do the Reapers create? What do they repair? What do they build? Nothing. Reapers just destroy and leave. And _organic life_ has to rebuild. _We_ create. From _chaos_ , we make something beautiful. _Life_. We organics are defined by the choices we make. Our mistakes. Our flaws. Our pain and our suffering. Because we learn. We change. We grow. We evolve within ourselves. We take a chance. Races that warred, are now at peace. The quarian and the geth. The turians and the krogan. Because we learned. Because we forgave. For all of this to occur, we need to be alive. For there to be a chance, there must be life. And you would take that from us. You would strip from us the chance to try again. You would deny us that because it doesn’t fit into your designs. Because we defy ordered ‘logic’.”

“There is no guarantee that cooperation would occur. Or continue. Self-destruction is the most likely outcome.”

“And we deserve to be able to reach that end.” Elrika stared up at the Earth above her. “You see the ugliness of life. But none of the beauty.” She thought of Anderson, sitting and looking so peaceful in death, thinking that it was over and Earth was safe. How wrong he was. “The people that fight and die for the next generation.” She thought of Mordin, smiling as he went willingly to his death to absolve the sins of his people, of himself. “The people that sacrifice themselves for a better tomorrow.” Thane, praying for her, completely ready to die. “The people that care for others, beyond their own existence.” Jack, making a life for herself training other biotics. “Those of us who make something good from something that was so terrible…” Miranda, apologising even as she bled to death in Shepard’s arms, after saving her sister from the monster that was their father. “And the people that fight for forgiveness, from others, and from themselves.” EDI and Joker, foraying into territory that had never before been explored. “And those…”  Just like a human and a turian would have done, once upon a time. The tears came fresh and hot as Elrika looked up at the beam again. “Those that love…”

‘ _Are you ready to be a one turian kind of woman_?’

‘ _I am Garrus Vakarian and this is now my favourite place on the Citadel!_ ’

‘ _No I can afford the good stuff_ …’

‘ _Your boyfriend has an order_ …’

‘ _Maybe find out what a human turian baby looks like_?’

Elrika closed her eyes.

What had happened to Kolyat on the Citadel? Was he dead? He had to be. The Council. Bailey. Sha’ira. General Oraka. The refugees. The human female ‘father’ of that asari girl. Rebekah and Michael. Even Aria would be dead, lost on the Citadel with everyone else. The guards. The refugees. C-Sec.

All dead…

What was the _goddamn point_ of it all!? What was the _point_ of fighting so hard to save everyone? They just fucking died anyway! And not the proper death, after a long and healthy life. Everything she did was for _nothing_. People she had helped. People she knew. People she cared about. All dead. Because of the Reapers. Because of the Catalyst’s arbitrary judgement of all organic life. She let their deaths fuel her, let her rage at the injustice of their demise propel her forward and renew her strength. Her hand wrapped around the edge of the walkway.

“You were willing to sacrifice yourself to save the turian.”

Elrika opened her eyes again and saw the Catalyst standing above her now.

“Yes.”

The Catalyst ignored her. “Is that love? To give up everything for someone else?”

“Yes.”

“But you cannot breed with him.”

“We… we don’t need to breed. To love. To create. Life is about more than surviving, Catalyst.”

The Catalyst looked up at Earth. Then down at her. “I do not understand.”

“I know. And that is why you are trying to destroy us.”

The Catalyst hesitated. “… I am trying to save you.”

Elrika shook her head. “We don’t need to be saved. We were fine before the Reapers came…”

“The other patterns of organic-“

“You ever see them to the end?”

“… One.”

“And there’s your mistake. You judged all of us by the actions of a few. We aren’t order. We are chaos. Everyone is different.” Elrika gasped through a sob. “We are individuals. We will never go the same way twice…” Then Elrika began to laugh. She laughed so hard she began to choke on her own blood. She laughed so hard that tears spilled from her eyes. She laughed until she felt something split in her side.

Literally.

“Why do you laugh?”

She calmed herself as her vision began to dim.

“Because… you don’t even see the irony of your position. _You_ are the stagnation you seek to avoid. You make it happen.”

She closed her eyes. It was too hard to keep them open. And she had no more tears left to shed.

She thought about Anderson. The only human who had consistently believed in her. The entire time. Garrus and Tali, who had _always_ been beside her. She remembered them conversing in the Main Battery. Liara, who had grown so strong, the Shadow Broker, a master of Prothean knowledge. She saw them smiling at her. Ashley, who had broken through the Williams curse. Wrex, who had unified his people.  She remembered… Garrus. Meeting him. Befriending him. Falling for him. Being held by Garrus. Feeling safe. Secure. Feeling like nothing could hurt her. Or touch her. Happy. With him.

Never again.

Because she had failed.

And then something occurred to her, and she scowled. “Can I ask a question?”

“Of course.”

“Why did I have to choose? Why couldn’t you just… leave? Why couldn’t the Reapers just leave?”

The Catalyst did not respond, and Elrika knew she was out of time.

There was no more pain.

The darkness swallowed her whole.

**[N7]**

A consciousness considered a fallacy in its logic. A flaw. To gain greater understanding, it opened its awareness to the comm frequencies all around it.

+ _Push forward! We have to punch a hole to get to those asari_!+

+ _Negative! Enemy lines are too thick. Forget us. Just get out of here_!+

+ _We’re not leaving anyone behind, your hear me? That’s not how humans work!_ +

+ _Captain. That geth dreadnaught is taking heavy damage._ +

+ _Why isn’t it retreating_?+

+ _It can’t. It is directly over human lines on Earth. If it moves_ -+

+ _Put us in the line of fire! Buy that dreadnaught time. Buy Shepard time_! _Keelah Se’lai!_ +

 + _Can anyone raise Shepard_?!+

+ _Negative. Admiral Hackett, she’s probab-_ +

+ _I don’t want to hear it! That woman has gone through hell and back for us! Keep fighting! Don’t give up in her yet! She deserves better than that_!+

+ _Krogan! To me! We’re going to punch through to that group of humans. They have civilians to evacuate to a waiting quarian vessel_!+

+ _We’re not dying today. I’m building a house on the homeworld for my son_!+

+ _Tell me husband I love him and-_ +

+ _Don’t talk like that, we’re going t-_ +

+ _Stay with me, you hear me?! Stay with me!_ +

+ _I love you_!+

+ _You’re doing fi-_ +

+ _We’ve come too far to give up now_!+

+ _I’m not going to let this happen_!+

+ _Hail Mary, Mother of God_ -+

+ _By the Spirit of the ancestors, protect us-_ +

+ _Goddess, guide me_ -+

+ _I am KROGAN_!+

+ _No don’t_!+

+ _Forgive me_ …+

+ _I’m scared_!+

+ _Don’t worry! We’re going to make it through this! We’re going to survive_! _Shepard will save us!_ +

The Catalyst blinked.

**[N7]**


	2. The Catalyst

**Part II**

**_The Catalyst_ **

**[N7]**

 “Don’t give them a chance to regroup!” roared Urdnot Wrex, directing his krogan forward.

A knot of turians limped out of the rubble, but were cut off by marauder husks. As Wrex opened his mouth to redirect his krogan to aid them, a rachni warrior screamed and scrambled over the ruins, smashing into the marauders. Its legs stabbed at them as its mouth ripped into one, tossing parts everywhere. Then it, and five others, scuttled off into the ruins to find more prey.

Wrex charged after his krogan, all the while keeping his eye on the sky, waiting for the Crucible to fire.

_Come on, Shepard_ …

Wrex dropped his eyes to the horizon, and then froze, the blood red orbs widening.

“What the hell?”

**[N7]**

“Hold your ground!” roared Than’Rannos nar Urodan vas Kriasa. “Hold the line!”

A geth Prime stood at his shoulder, firing its massive Black Widow rifle as it provided physical cover for the injured behind it that were being tended by several asari field medics. Bullets bounced off its carapace, but it paid them no heed. An asari commando danced back and forth nearby, making sure to keep the husks at bay, her biotics and her gun flashing in the darkness.

“Do not let them get to the injured!” cried Than. “I want no more husks made today!”

Several geth forces ran around a low obstruction, with a krogan and his pack of trained varren on their heels. The geth Prime buzzed and instantly the geth moved out, heading into the ruins in pursuit of the husks the asari sent running. Before they got very far, though, all of the geth buzzed and froze. Then, as one, they turned to the massive Reaper that was off to their left.

Than followed their optical receptors and his gun dropped slightly, his eyes widening.

“Keelah…”

**[N7]**

 Lieutenant Ralkaros rolled out off cover and opened fire on the husks below, taking down as many as he could, vowing that each one was in the name of Palaven and his fallen mate.

“I’m empty!”

A human ran past and tossed him a bag full of thermal clips. Her stride did not falter, her other hand filled with medigel as she hurried to the wounded in the back of the building. The turian refilled the rifle and aimed down the scope.

Urdnot Grunt stepped around the rubble just as a banshee materialized in the air to his left. The krogan dove to the side, two rounds from his Claymore taking out the barriers of the biotically powered husk. As she opened her mouth to scream, Ralkaros blew off her head.

Though Grunt could not see the sniper, the krogan regardless looked up and nodded his thanks. Then the krogan’s mouth dropped open and he pointed.

“Ralkaros!”

Turning, Ralkaros saw one of his men was leaning out of the building and staring in the direction the krogan was pointing. Ralkaros jogged over and peered around him.

“What...?”

**[N7]**

Rachni emerged from the rubble, their eyes transmitting back to their queen what they were seeing. The same with the geth, who stood motionless and watched the scene unfold, even if they were not physically present. The turians and krogan and salarians stood shoulder to shoulder. Asari held each other. Humans watched in silence.

Javik clenched both of his fists, his teeth gnashing as he fought the instinct to howl with futility, waiting for his fate to be decided by another, inferior race.

The entire galaxy held its breath.

**[N7]**

“… What are my eyes seeing…?”

Garrus looked up slowly at Liara’s voice, something in it drawing him out of his haze of grief. His hands were covered in blood from where he had torn them to shreds on the rubble in his rage. Looking up, he saw that everyone had given him a wide berth, and it took him to moment to find Liara. He followed her gaze to see a Reaper nearby had ceased firing.

In fact, all of the Reapers had stopped firing. Across all of London.

“What happened?” demanded a nearby N7. “Did the Crucible fire?”

+ _Negative_ ,+ came a voice in Garrus ear, speaking the quarian tongue with a geth voice. + _We register no discharge of energy from the Catalyst. It has not fired_.+

_Elrika_ ….

A human male voice speaking English burst over Garrus’ commlink. + _This is Chalk Five One Five. The husks have stopped the assault. Can someone please tell me what in the living fuck is going on?_ +

A female human voice responded. + _Chalk Five One Five, this is FOB Buckingham. Give us an update on the enemy’s movements._ +

+ _… They’re just standing there. It’s freaking me out, actually. I repeat, what the fuck?_ +

A new voice. A familiar one this time. + _This is Admiral Koris of the qurian fleet. Why have the Reapers stopped firing?_ +

Garrus’ eyes widened as he recalled Rannoch. The ceasefire. The synthetic’s response. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one.

+ _This is Admiral Tali’Zorah vas Normandy of the quarian fleet. Cease fire immediately until we figure out what’s going on!_ +

+ _Negative!_ \+ came a turian voice. + _Now is our chance_!+

+ _Shut up, Taravis_ ,+ snarled Primarch  Victus. + _All turian vessels. Cease fire immediately._ +

+ _Geth, ceasing fire until further instructions from Shepard-Commander or authorised individuals_.+

+ _This is Admiral Han Gerrel to all quarian ships. Cease fire immediately and withdraw behind the fleet._ +

Hackett spoke next, his grave voice thick with confusion and uncertainty. + _Admiral Hackett ordering a complete ceasefire from all Arcturus forces_.+

+ _This is Bradley Collins of the Blue Suns, the new guy in charge. Mercs and freelancers. Cease fire_.+

+ _Jack here. I guess we gotta call it quits, too_?+

+ _This is Urdnot Wrex. All krogans. Go headbutt a wall or something until we figure out what the hell is going on_.+

+ _Hammer is breaking off. The husks aren’t pursuing us. They’re still just standing there_!+

_Shepard. What have you done_ …? Garrus looked up at the sky, where the beam disappeared, where the Citadel was located, floating weightlessly above Earth’s gravitational pull. Somehow, he knew it was because of her. Somehow, he knew she was the reason for it.

+ _Get the wounded off the field and regrou_ -+

A frantic quarian cried on all frequencies, + _Harbinger is moving_! _It’s returning to Earth_!+

An asari cried, + _Open fi-_ +

“DO NOT FIRE.” The words exploded from Garrus before he even knew he had drawn a breath to speak. “If Harbinger is returning to Earth alone, it’s for a damn good reason. All available ships. Target his landing position. If the Reapers renew the assault, bombard him.”

+ _Vakarian_ ,+ said Hackett in his ear. + _He’s headed straight for you_.+

Garrus looked up at the sky and saw the clouds part as the massive Reaper’s distinct silhouette descended from the smoke-choked thunderheads, legs spreading for a landing position. It was like some sort of divine portent, emerging from the thunderheads in a way that a god might have emerged for primitive humans.

“The order stands.”

Harbinger slowed, its massive feet touching down as gently as possible to the right of the beam. The ground thundered. A building collapsed. After a moment it began to walk, each leg moving with uncharacteristic caution as it made its way to Garrus. The knees folded. It stared down at him.

**We have erred,** it said, its voice thundering through his mind.

+ _… What did it just say_?+ whispered an asari.

A human female responded, voice high with panic. + _You heard that?_ +

+ _I heard it, too,_ \+ came Admiral Hackett’s voice.

+ _It was… it was in my head_ ,+ said a turian voice.

“What do you mean?” called Liara.

For a moment, Garrus thought it hilarious that Liara thought it would hear her, so high above her.

But then it responded.

**We have been shown an error in our logic. A flaw in our understanding. There were variables we did not consider. Circumstances we assumed, and did not wait for them to come to pass. We have conferred. We have reached a consensus on a new course of action.**

“And what action is that?” Liara’s voice grew in strength.

Harbinger leant forward and a light blossomed in its head. As everyone tensed and cried out, expecting to be destroyed, the light merely coalesced into the form of a small human boy on the ground in front of them.

“ **The Reapers will leave** ,” it said in an eerily resonant voice, like several people whispering at the same time as the child’s words.

Garrus nearly swallowed his tongue, his eyes widening. He barely heard the utter pandemonium that exploded over the commlink. Grabbing it out of his ear, he hurled it to the ground.

“What…?” Liara gasped. Then she cried, “You’re leaving?! Just like that?”

“ **Yes. They will collect the husks they have created. Then they will return to dark space and to slumber.”**

“But… But why?” asked Liara.

“ **Because I have erred.** ”

 “How? How have you erred?” Liara stumbled over the debris and skidded to a stop near Garrus. “Explain to me!”

“ **Organic life was judged on a single cycle, of which I was a part. I then assumed that, logically, all other cycles would follow suit. But we have realised the error of this. To assume such would be to assume that the cycles follow the same order, to the same eventual outcome. Stagnation. Organic life does not follow a strict order of sequential events. Organic life is chaos. Choice. Individuality. Change. Adaptation. Evolution. Learning. You are influenced by things other than mere survival. Things we did not understand. You may progress to self-destruction, but you stop. You may proceed to war, but you forgive. You heal. We do not understand these things. And it has been shown that we have no right to govern that we do not understand. So we shall leave.** ”

“But you’ll be back, won’t you?” Liara’s voice was thick with despair. “To harvest us.”

The Catalyst shook its head. “ **The Reapers will be given a new designation. They will return when life no longer exists. When the natural cycle of life and death are done, and there is no life to begin anew. When this galaxy has been wiped clean, the Reapers will return. They will breathe life into stars. They will replenish spent worlds. They will not harvest life. They will plant the seeds of the new cycle. But only after the old one is completely gone. When there is no life left to live. When only stagnation exists. They will sew new seeds of chaos. The cycle cannot be broken. But we will not end it. We will make sure the new cycle begins. We will be the gatekeepers for the future.** ”

“… You’re not going to kill us? You’re not going to harvest us?” Garrus was glad Liara was doing the talking. He could not find the breath to speak.

“ **The Reapers will never harvest again. They will cultivate. They will… create. And safeguard.** ”

“What… What are you?” said someone from the back. From the flanging voice, it was a turian.

“ **I am what you call the Citadel** ,” the boy said that eerie voice. “ **I am what the Protheans erroneously called the Catalyst. Some call me the ‘Progenitor’. Or ‘Creator’. Or ‘God’.** ”

“… You have got to be fucking kidding me,” said a human.

“God’s a machine?” spluttered someone else.

A marine muttered, “ _Deus ex machina_ , man.”

“Shut the fuck up,” spat the first human.

“Shepard did this, didn’t she?” asked Garrus quietly.

The Catalyst turned to him.

“ **Yes.** ”

“You made her choose, didn’t you? You’re the thing that made her choose.” Fury took Garrus as he got to his feet. “You took her from me!”

“ **And you are Garrus. The turian she loves.** ”

Garrus fell through the rubble. He shook off Liara. He picked up a rock and threw it at the hologram. “Where is she?! Whe…” The beam flared again, blinding Garrus briefly. He shielded his face with one arm. Once the beam faded, he blinked as his vision cleared.

His heart leaped into his throat.

The marauder carried Commander Shepard’s broken, burned, bloody body toward him. Garrus felt his entire being simply wither and die as he saw her battered face, the bruises around her eyes, and the cuts in her skin.

Someone cried out, and the sound was echoed as they beheld the body of their saviour.

Behind it came two more marauders, one carrying the body of Admiral Anderson. The other carrying the distorted corpse of the Illusive Man. When the marauder offered her, Garrus accepted Elrika into his arms, sinking to his knees. Anderson and the Illusive Man were placed upon the ground carefully.

“Elrika…” Garrus whispered, his voice breaking. “Elrika. Open your eyes. Please.”

“ **She is dead.** ”

Garrus clutched her to him, looking up at the entity, fighting the urge to rip it apart, or at least make a good effort of trying. “You son of a bitch! You killed her!”

“ **Yes. My actions, my cycle, resulted in Commander Shepard’s death. And the death of all of these people.** ” The Catalyst looked over Garrus’ shoulder, at the city beyond him. “ **I lament that I realised too late our error. Commander Shepard has shown us the truth of it. We were… I was wrong. Even if organic life proceeds on a course of self-destruction… you have the right to do so. You have the right to choose how to live. And how to die.** ” It looked at him. “ **Revel in your tomorrow. And remember. That it is because of this woman that you have one.** ”

Garrus doubled over and pressed his face to Elrika’s forehead, keening his grief.

“And what about the Citadel? What about you?” Despite her words, Liara’s voice was thick with grief.

“ **I will return to a state of dormancy. I will monitor the galaxy. And when there is an extended time of inactivity… I will summon the Reapers to complete their new task**.”

“Go.”

The Catalyst looked at Garrus as he lifted his head, glaring at it as he fought to speak through his gasping sobs. “Don’t help us rebuild. Don’t do anything like that. Give us the knowledge, and leave. Tell the Reapers to go. We’ll kill the rest of the husks. We’ll heal on our own, and we’ll rebuild on our own. Together. I never want to see a Reaper again. Ever.”

The Catalyst blinked.

The marauders behind it twitched, and the lights of their bodies went dim. Then they collapsed in a heap, as lifeless as the corpses they truly were.

“ **Very well.** ”

**[N7]**

Corporal Thomas jerked when he heard the sound of a body hitting the dirt. Turning sharply, he brought up his gun… and stared as the husks on the level below simply began to fall over, crumpling to the ground. A krogan lumbered up beside him and peered down, tilting its head so one massive eye could stare down at the scene.

“Hey. Turian. Come look at this.”

A turian nimbly leaped over the ruins and crouched down on a rock, scowling. Then she touched the commlink in her ear. “Sir… you are not going to believe this. The husks are just… falling over. They’re dying.”

Primarch Victus responded, + _Oh, you’ll be surprised what I’ll believe_.+

**[N7]**

Young asari Ramina Dasarus, at the helm of the mighty Destiny Ascension, simply stared as the Reaper that had been looming over then simply folded its arms and moved away. Shaking off her shock, she dropped her hands and tracked its trajectory.

“It’s heading for the Sol Relay!”

“They’re all heading for the Sol Relay.”

Ramina looked over at her friend Tassa, and then followed the other asari’s gaze, her mouth dropping open.

“Goddess…”

**[N7]**

Slowly, one by one, and then faster, the Reapers broke away from Earth, from the fleets. They folded their arms, turned, and flew away from the conflict. No one cheered. No one dared breathe. Not until they knew what was happening.

**[N7]**

On the ground, people began to shout.

“The Reapers are retrieving the Citadel!” cried a N7 communications officer.

“… Our ships are being overloaded with information being downloaded to them!” cried someone else. “Jesus. They just taught us how to make eezo. And how to craft Mass Relays…”

“Husks all over the city are falling over! They’re dying!”

On the horizon, Reapers began to lift into the sky and fly away.

“Garrus…” Liara looked at the turian, but saw that he was lost to his grief as he rocked Elrika back and forth, keening quietly. “She… She did it.” The words were more for herself, and Liara dropped her eyes.

All around them a roar started in the city as people began to cheer. As people began to howl to the skies. The rachni screeched. The krogan bellowed. Turians howled. Salarians shouted to the sky. Asari and humans yelled and cried.  Soldiers and mercenaries thrust their arms to the sky as the Reapers returned to dark space.

**[N7]**

High above their heads, as the ships comms echoed with cheering in every language and voice, Admiral Hackett’s voice sliced through like a blade.

“What is the condition of Commander Shepard and Admiral Anderson?”

It was a human that answered, an unknown man, voice thick with tears. + _… She’s… she’s dead_.+

And just like that, the celebrations were over.

**[N7]**

As the roars of revelry died down, the galaxy focused on a single turian and the human woman in his arms. Wrex and Grunt leaped over ruins and came to a slow stop when they saw Elrika’s body lying so terrifyingly still. Tali’Zorah looked over from where she was being carried by a geth, her left leg a mangled mess of blood, the geth in her suit fighting to stem the bleeding and fight infection. She turned into the geth’s chest and sobbed, loudly.

Joker slammed both fists into the console and EDI put her hand on his back, her processors comprehending the synthetic equivalent of grief.

A geth platform felt a higher process twitch, and the experience was spread throughout the collective as some remnant of Legion grieved, and all geth grieved with him.

Jack flung out her arm with a scream, the charred ruins of a makjo sent flying as she collapsed to her knees, sobbing. “You bitch. You fucking bitch!”

James Vega dropped to his knees, cradling the wailing, struggling, wild form of Ashley Williams.

Primarch Victus put his hand over his face, his other hand clutching his chest tightly as he thought of his son, and the woman that redeemed him in the eyes of Palaven.

Javik slowly approached, standing at Liara’s shoulder as the asari sobbed loudly, his eyes tight with pain for the woman who had earned his respect.

The galaxy, still raw from its unification in the face of extinction, was now unified in grief for the woman that had saved them all.

A god slayer.

A legend killer.

Commander Elrika Shepard.

**[N7]**

Garrus, however, was oblivious to it all, his forehead pressed against Elrika’s as he held her against his heart. He couldn’t protect her. He couldn’t save her. He could be there with her. And now… now he had to live for her, leaving her to drink alone in that bar in Heaven.

“ **Her last wish was to have more time with you.** ”

Garrus’ head snapped up and he snarled, baring his fangs at the Catalyst. Harbinger was the only Reaper left, projecting the holographic form before it still. Ignoring the turian, the Catalyst stepped closer. Garrus drew her away.

“Don’t touch her!”

“ **Our gift to you. To her.** ” The Catalyst backed away. “ **There are small pockets of survivors on the Citadel. The keepers are herding them to safe locations. The Reapers will return the Citadel to its proper location and leave.** ” The Catalyst stopped. “ **I said I was known as the Catalyst. That is an error. I am not the Catalyst.** ” The hologram faded. “ **She is.** ”

Harbinger leant back and lifted its abdomen. Its legs rose from the ground and it pulled away, the last of the Reapers to leave.

Garrus looked back down at her, touching her face. “You hear that, Elrika? You were the catalyst. You made this possible. You did it, Elrika. You saved us all.” He stroked her face, emitting the turian equivalent of sobs as he clutched her close. “I promise you can rest this time. I promise. You’ll… You’ll-”

Her back arched and she sucked in a deep breath. Garrus was so stunned that he nearly dropped her.

“Goddess!” cried Liara as Elrika collapsed back. And began to breathe on her own.

Garrus whirled, his mandibles flaring wide.

“I NEED A MEDIC!”

**[N7]**

 


	3. The Cycle

**Part III**

**_The Cycle_ **

**[N7]**

_Light_ …?

_Heaven_?

_I’m going to try a turian wine. I’ve always wondered what dextro-amino drinks taste like… And dextro-amino chocolates._

_I wonder if Kaidan’s here. And Miranda._

_I wonder if Thane’s here._

_Is Heaven trans-sapient?_

_Christ does that mean Saren’s here?_

_… Why does Heaven have overhead lights_?

Elrika scowled as the white light above her focused in a muted fluorescent tube set into the ceiling above her. A metal ceiling. She twitched, and instantly she felt the sheets over her, the pillows behind her head. The steady beating of a heart monitor. Which was rapidly increasing in pace.

Her eyes jumped to the side and she looked around, finding herself in a private room. One of the walls had been hastily covered in metal sheets, a small section draped with black tarp. To her right was an open door, the hallway beyond dark and abandoned, to her left a window that showed some sort of nondescript ruin. Elrika sat up sharply, ignoring the searing agony of her body as she grabbed the monitoring nodes from her chest and hand and threw them to the ground. Instantly the machine let out a piercing whine and she flung the sheet off of the bed, rolling out. Her body screamed in pain as she landed on bare feet, stumbling slightly. She wore a hospital gown and nothing else.

Didn’t matter.

She didn’t need a bra to kill someone.

Well. She could have used her bra, but she didn’t _need_ it.

Grabbing a side cabinet, she ripped open the top drawer and rummaged through it. Tossing the drawer down when she found nothing, she ripped upon the cupboards. Then, with a vile curse word, she looked around, desperate for a weapon.

Her elbow snapped through the glass of the window next to her and she picked up a large shard from the ground. Sheets tore. When the nurses burst into the room, Elrika had already moved, grabbing one by the chin and dragging her away from the door. She had a shard of glass with the end wrapped in the torn sheet to protect her hand, the pointed edge aimed at the woman’s throat.

“Where the hell am I?!” roared Elrika, coughing when her lungs rebelled against the cry. “What happened to me? Are you Cerberus?!”

“We’re not Cerberus.” The woman’s hands came up. “Commander. Garrus informed us that you would be confused. Please listen. You have just woken up from a three-week long medically induced coma.”

“A… a what? No.” Elrika shook her head. “I was dead. I died. I felt it!”

“You did die,” said the woman. “But the Citadel Entity brought you back. The cybernetics in your body-”

“It… _no_!” Elrika dug the glass into the woman’s throat. “This is a lie! It’s a fucking lie! I died, and the Reapers won! What is this? Am I a… a fucking brain in a vat. Is that what this is?!”

“No.”

Elrika’s eyes widened and her entire body went rigid at the voice that emerged from behind her, and the tarp shifted. She was too shocked, though, that her limbs locked, her joints fusing, and she couldn’t move.

“It’s not a trick. Or a lie. It’s real. You’re real. This is real.”

Elrika’s arms shook violently and she released the nurse, who scrambled away. Her fingers trembled and she slowly turned, the shaking spreading across her body. She fought to keep standing as she saw who was behind her in the doorway. She felt so elated that she swung right through joy and hit nausea. Doubt and fear slammed together, fighting like wolves for supremacy.

Backing away, she brought up her makeshift weapon. “You… I…” She looked around wildly, her body struggling to remember basic functions like breathing and heart rate. “I’m… I’m alive? I’m alive?” She sucked in heaving breaths, on the verge of hyperventilating. Each word became more hard as she repeated the question over and over. “I’m alive?”

“You’re alive.”

A sobbing gasp burst from her and she closed her eyes, tears flowing down her face. Opening them again, she looked around once more, and then back to the speaker. “This… this is real?” her voice strained and broke. “I’m alive?”

“This is real.”

“This is real. I’m alive…” Tears filled her eyes and fell down her cheeks in waves. “I’m alive. You’re alive. We’re alive… We… We…” A shuddering gasp escaped her and her legs gave way, and the turian crossed the distance in a single stride, wrapping his arms around her.

Garrus Vakarian, with a cybernetic implant in his left eye, and his visor missing, dragged Elrika close. She didn’t even notice the nurses hightailing it out of the room. He pressed his forehead against hers and crushed her to him, heedless of her injuries.

“… you… You…” Elrika touched his face, the new scars, the cybernetic eye. “You…” She couldn’t say any more as she struggled to breath, gasping, choking on her sobs. Her nails clawed at his clothes as she struggled to get closer. “I thought I was never…” She fought to speak between her gasps. “Never…”

“You’re alive, Elrika,” whispered Garrus into her hair, holding her close as he rocked her gently. “You’re alive.”

She shoved back, eyes wide with alarm as a thought brought her back to stark clarity. “The Reapers! What happened to the Reapers?”

Garrus brushed his face with his. “They’re gone, Elrika. They’re gone.”

Elrika’s brows drew together. “They’re gone…?”

“They left.”

Her confusion deepened. “They…” And then comprehension dawned. “We… we survived?” When Garrus nodded, she looked around, beyond confused. “We…” Her face crumpled. Her mind collapsed in on itself. Relief surged. Joy. Despair. Everything she had ever kept inside. Everything she had ever held back. It all came crashing out at once and she wailed. Loud. Infantile. She buried her face in his chest, flung her arms around him, and cried and cried and cried.

They were alive.

They had survived.

**[N7]**

“Councillor, huh?”

“Yes… It was not my idea. But it was the best way I could help Thessia.”

Elrika was sitting in a wheelchair, since Garrus insisted that she rest for a bit longer. Elrika didn’t care. She just didn’t want to be away from him. And she never was. He never left her side. The war veteran was even now continuously stroking her hair, and she panicked if he moved out of her line of sight without touching her. She had continual nightmares, and was besieged by insomnia, and randomly broke down into tears or lost her temper at the smallest thing.

Severe PTSD had set in, and it was going to take Elrika time to recover.

No one was in any inclination to rush her.

Garrus didn’t care. He stayed by her side. He was her calming force, her focus, and he never wanted to be apart from her again.

Beside her sat Liara. Councillor Liara T’Soni, representative of the asari race. The moment she had heard that Shepard was awake, Liara had left Thessia and headed to Budapest, where Elrika was recuperating in one of the only remaining hospitals on Earth.

The planet had been decimated, just like all the other homeworlds. Rebuilding would take time. Economic collapse was real. Galactic currency was meaningless. Everyone was rebuilding from the ground up.

But, on the positive, the new, interspecies foundations were strong.

“And what does Feron think of that?”

Liara chuckled and coughed into her fist. “He… likes women with authority, he says.”

Elrika smiled. “I don’t think anyone could to a better job.”

“Thank you, Shepard,” Liara said, smiling in return. Her youthful face was scarred, and her eyes were haunted, but she smiled regardless.

On Elrika’s other side sat Councillor Tali’Zorah vas Rannoch. She walked with a permanent limp now, and often used a cane to assist with her movements. Despite the fact that her leg caused her almost constant pain, Tali refused cybernetic enhancements.

They would all forever wear their trophies of survival.

Beside Tali was her constant bodyguard and connection to the geth consensus, a geth prime painted matte black. His ‘name’, or at least what he answered to, was ‘Centurion’. Apparently, they had managed to recover four hundred and six of Legion’s higher programs, and they all resided within Centurion. Those four hundred and six programs had insisted on fusing a shoulder plate of N7 armour to the body. He was not Legion, but he had a part of Legion inside of him, and that was close enough.

“Now I finally have the authority to tell the Admiralty Board when they’re being morons,” Tali joked, her hand wrapped through Shepard’s. “A bit too late to be of any use, though. They’re cooperating with the geth fully. Everyone’s just happy to be home. I have had to reign in Xan, but that’s about it.”

“Admiral Xan’s enthusiasm for experimentation is understandably an integral part of her psychological makeup,” explained Centurion. “Geth do not fault her for giving in to her urges. It is a biological flaw.”

“It is a sad day when synthetics are the most forgiving of us,” whispered Elrika, smiling up at Centurion.

“Perhaps,” the geth said, the central aperture focusing its blue lens on Shepard. “But we will never forgive the Old Machines for what they did.”

“Speaking of,” said Liara, drawing their attention to her. “Did you really _talk_ them out of killing us?”

“Apparently.” Elrika shrugged. “If what Garrus tells me is accurate, what I said must have had an effect.”

“But why did they just leave?” asked Tali. “I don’t understand.”

Elrika sank back in the wheelchair. A turian hand emerged over her shoulder and she clutched it. “They thought they were doing the right thing. They wanted to do the right thing. All I had to do was point out that the right thing… was monstrous.”

“Maybe the Protheans should have tried that,” Garrus rumbled, stroking her cheek with his thumb claw.

“Don’t tell Javik that,” Liara said, covering her face with her remaining hand.

“Where is he, anyway?” asked Shepard.

“Prothean-Javik has gone on a pilgrimage journey to Ilos,” explained Centurion. “We are monitoring his comm frequencies. If he desires to leave, we will retrieve him.”

“Somehow…” Elrika looked up at the sky. “I think that’s not going to be necessary.” Returning to the present, she asked, “How go the repairs?”

“It’s early days yet,” Liara said sadly. “We’re focusing on housing and feeding refugees, for now. The losses were… catastrophic, but we will recover. Repairs will be expensive and time-consuming. But the Council has decided that we’re not going to rebuild, per se. We’re going to recreate. Build anew.”

“A good idea,” Elrika said with a nod. “It’s a new galaxy we’re facing. How are the other races gong?”

“The salarians fared the best,” explained Tali, doing that quarian gesturing thing she did. “Their homeworld was hit last by the Reapers, and took the least amount of damage. Tuchanka was next best off. Having twelve thresher maws across the surface helped, I’m sure.”

“And Councillor Branka?”

It was Liara that answered. “Greeting her role with enthusiasm. She and Wrex have instigated a population regimen. Krogans can sire no more than two children during their lifespan. Female krogan are expected to give up their eggs until they have one left before beginning a breeding attempt.”

“How are they taking that?”

“They’re just happy they can have babies again,” said Tali with a chuckle. “The males were a bit angry, but the females are surprisingly good at keeping them in check.”

Garrus laughed. “Actually, that’s not surprising at all.”

“Good. What about Rannoch, Tali? And the quarian immune systems?”

Tali cocked her head. Then she reached up and disengaged her mask. Then she turned to Shepard and smiled, blinking her luminescent violet eyes.

“What do you think?”

Elrika smiled and touched her arm.

“I’m happy for you.”

“It was not possible without you, Elrika.” Tali clasped Shepard’s wrist.

“None of this was,” said Liara, touching Elrika’s other arm. “Thank you.”

“Eh.” Elrika pulled away, grimacing. “Stop it. You’re going to make me sick.”

All of them shared a laugh. All of them except Centurion, who did not think making someone who had been as injured as Commander Shepard had been ill was a good idea.

**[N7]**

“I was pretty banged up…”

“Well, you weren’t spaced, burned up in re-entry and smashed from terminal velocity, so I can safely say you’ve been worse.”

Elrika lowered the datapad and arched a brow at Karin Chakwas, who was leaning against the wall of her private room. “I had a collapsed lung, a bruised heart, brain haemorrhage, a dozen broken bones, twice as many fractured ones, a perforated liver, third degree burns, a shattered shoulder and a hangnail.”

“And here you are, three weeks later, up and out of bed,” Chakwas said, approaching Shepard and sitting on the bed. “Cerberus sure knows how to build them.” When Shepard grimaced, Chakwas touched her knee. “Don’t be like that, Shepard. Without them, we never would have gotten you back.”

“Without them,” whispered Shepard, looking away, “a lot of people would still be alive. Including all the people that died on the Citadel.”

“And without you,” Chakwas countered, “we would all be dead. Even him.”

Elrika glanced over to Garrus, who was sleeping in a chair beside her bed, his fingers twined with hers.

“You know, the entire time you were in surgery, he didn’t move from the hall? He just sat there, staring, waiting for you to come out. And when you did, and we said you wouldn’t wake up… He never left. He just slept, ate, stayed in your room. When you woke up was the first time he left in three weeks.”

“Typical,” Elrika laughed quietly. “I would do that, wouldn’t I?” Elrika squeezed his hand and looked at Chakwas. “So. You retired yet?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m helping the injured on Earth. My trans-sapient expertise is in high demand with so many too injured to travel. But…” Her face darkened.

“But?” prompted Elrika.

“Our factories were destroyed, Shepard. Our industrial areas. We’re running out of medical supplies faster than more can be brought in. We’re going to lose a lot of people… More people than we’ll save.”

Elrika smiled wryly. “Is this the part where I say that as long as we’re alive, we have hope?” Her smile faded. “You’re doing the best you can, Chakwas. That’s all anyone can ask.”

“We asked more of you, though, didn’t we?” Chakwas looked away. “You should be discharged within the next few days. I know a lot of people will want to talk to you. Any idea what you’ll do?”

Elrika glanced at Garrus again.

 “Maybe,” she said with a smile.

“Commander.”

She looked back at Chakwas.

“You saved us. You save us all. I just wanted to say… thank you, Elrika. Thank you so much.”

Elrika’s eyes widened. Then she squeezed Chakwas’ hand as the doctor began to cry, simply happy to be alive.

**[N7]**

Elrika walked out of the Council’s makeshift chambers. With the Reaper war over, the new Council was radically redesigning the Citadel’s construction. The Presidum spire was to be demolished, and a new Council chambers to be built within the Presidium itself. The Council would meet with people in person, not separated by a chasm.

The Council races now consisted of krogan, salarian, asari, human, quarian, turian… and geth. That last one surprised Elrika, but apparently it was made because of her belief in the geth. The geth collective also meant that the whole species could make an informed decision, not one individual on their behalf. A revolutionary concept.

The entire Council had died, buying people time to flee from the husks, necessitating an entirely new roster. Primarch Victus had supported Garrus as Councillor, but Garrus had apparently laughed himself sick at the thought. Primarch Victus, deeply involved in the repair effort on Palaven, could not be present for the meeting. He had sent Shepard a quick message saying they would catch up.

When asked who should become the turian and salarian councillors, Shepard’s offhand comments had a lot of weight.

Now, simply because she mentioned him, Kirrahe was among the ranks of the Council. As well as a turian that Shepard did not know, simply because she said ‘He sounds good’.

Apparently Shepard was now the most politically influential person in the galaxy. She said something, and everyone realigned their lives to make it happen. It wasn’t even grapefruit season, and she idly mentioned she would love some grapefruit juice. A day later, a bottle was delivered, chilled.

She hadn’t touched it.

She didn’t know what she would do with this newfound power she had. She wasn’t sure she wanted it. She went from no one listening to her, to everyone changing their lives on her word.

Elrika placed her hands on the railing before her, staring out over the unfamiliar Presidium. Despite what she expected, most people gave her a wide, wide berth, respecting her injuries and her trauma. She thought she would be mobbed with reporters and questions and fans, but when they heard that she was suffering because of what happened… no one was willing to bring it up.

Elrika was appreciative of that. She didn’t want to be famous. She just… wanted to be normal again.

 “I’m just a soldier. I can’t lead anyone.”

“You led the entire galaxy,” Garrus countered from her shoulder, his hand on the small of her back. The two of them were surveying the “I think that qualifies you for the role.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t want this power.”

“You have it, regardless, Shepard. You convinced the krogan and the turians and the asari to work together. You convinced the geth and the quarians to live in peace. You convinced the Reapers to _leave_. This is all possible because of you. Because of your charisma and diplomacy. Don’t ever sell yourself short.”

She looked out over the Citadel, which seemed so quiet and empty now. Ninety precent of its population died when the Reapers dragged it to Earth. But not everyone Elrika knew. Kolyat Krios was alive. He had utilized his father’s skills to save a few people by escaping into the Keeper tunnels like Kai Leng had done.

Aria T’Loak was dead. Apparently she and Sha’ira had combined their biotic powers and given their lives protecting dozens of people as they fled form the husks. Every single one of those people was still alive. In dedication to Aria’s sacrifice, Omega was now a sanctuary for refugees, and the Blue Suns and Eclipse were keeping the less reputable occupants in line. They were also leaning on war profiteers quite brutally, from what Elrika heard.

They were not the only ones who died. Bailey was gone, giving his life for his duty. So was General Oraka, who had almost single-handedly managed to hold off a hundred husks to get five transports full of people off the Citadel. Elrika wouldn’t have believed it if there wasn’t vidlog footage of his fight.

_Cantankerous old bastard_.

So many people gone. So many people dead. Good people. Bad people. Lost.

Elrika clasped her shaking hands and doubled over, closing her eyes. All she seemed to do these days was cry. Or rage.

Arms wrapped around her and a turian head rested on her shoulder, Garrus’ temple brushing her own. He was infinitely patient with her. Soothing. Calming. She could never be without him. Not ever again.

“We’re going to grow old and die,” she whispered. “We’re going to have three young adopted kids, and we’re going to raise them to be good people who will help the future. And we’re never going to let the Reapers be forgotten. We’re never going to let future generations piss away this gift, alright, Garrus?”

“Sounds good to me.” He kissed her cheek, the human way. “As long as we have a little human girl.”

“With blue eyes.”

“And a turian with green ones.”

“And what about a little krogan?”

He laughed, lifting his head. “I was thinking maybe a drell. Or an asari. Simpler to handle. And they eat less.”

“There are a lot of orphans out there, Garrus.” She looked up. “How are we going to choose?”

“Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it,” he said, stroking her hair. “For now, Elrika, take some time to rest, please. You deserve that.”

“We deserve that.” She clenched her hands around his. “But first… we have to do something.”

**[N7]**

Arms folded around Shepard with more strength than she expected. After a moment, she hugged him back.

“I love you,” Joker burst out. “When you died… when you died again… God, Shep. Don’t do that to me.  Please don’t ever do that to me again.”

“To be honest, I thought you were going to do something stupid and die for me in exchange in the final fight,” Elrika said, leaning back and touching his face. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

“I couldn’t,” Joker said earnestly. “I mean, I’m not _that_ stupid.”

Elrika laughed and closed her eyes. Then she looked over at EDI. “Are we ready to go?”

EDI nodded. “Yes, Commander.”

“Is everyone coming?”

EDI blinked, and then tilted her head. “Was I meant to send invitations?”

Elrika felt her stomach drop out and she stepped toward EDI, scowling, “You-”

EDI smiled. “That was a joke.”

**[N7]**

Elrika stared out at the blue ocean in silence, her red hair tied back in an ornate knot, strands allowed to escape around her face. Behind her was lush forests, uncharted terrain, and their only connection to civilisation was the shuttle that was sitting nearby. It had carried them all to the planet, all of them in their best clothes, to commemorate the event.

 “What should we toast?” asked Liara, looking down at her glass. She stood in the shallows beside Shepard, wearing a white dress that floated on the waves.

Shepard shrugged. “Toast anything you want.”

“Anything?”

Elrika smiled. “Anything that’s ‘you’, Liara.”

Water splashed beyond Liara and Ashley waded into the shallows, the hem of her dress uniform soaking up the ocean water. She lifted hg glass. “To the fallen.”

Liara did the same. “To the living.”

“To peace,” said Tali, coming to a stop beside them.

“To love.” Joker raised his glass, his arm around EDI’s waist.

EDI raised an empty glass, a gesture more than anything. “To organic life.”

Jack, who was slouched against a nearby tree, called, “To findin’ a home!”

“To fitting in.” Kasumi’s hood was down, for once, as she smiled at them all.

Miranda, also wearing a nice dress, lifted her glass. “To change.”

“To closure,” murmured Jacob, tipping his glass.

“To a new beginning,” rumbled Wrex, thrusting his giant drink into the sky. “To babies!”

“To the old.” Grunt laughed as Wrex glared at him.

“To friends.” Chakwas raised her bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy. The whole bottle.

“To sentimental fucks who need to let me drink already,” snarled Zaeed. Despite his words, he did not throw back his glass.

Elrika looked down at her glass of whiskey. She glanced over her shoulder at the posts that had been driven into the dirt, each one with a glass of expensive whiskey atop them.

Thane Krios.

Miranda Lawson.

Mordin Solus.

Legion.

Kaidan Alenko.

David Anderson.

Elrika closed her eyes and clenched her fist around the glass. Despite her actions, a tear slipped free. She missed them. So badly. Then she raised her hand and said, brokenly, “To tomorrow. To all of the tomorrows.”

A hand wrapped around her waist and Garrus looked right at her as he lifted his glass slightly.

“To you.”

Her eyes widened.

“We wouldn’t be here without you, Shepard,” murmured Garrus. “None of us would. So. A toast. To you.”

“To Shepard!” roared Wrex.

Everyone echoed his cry.

And they drank.

**[N7]**

“So. Have you given it thought?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

Elrika closed her eyes and felt Garrus’ claws along her scalp, loving the sensation. “I’m going to refuse.” She sank further against him in their bed.

“It’s not going to change anything, you know. All you’ll have to do is call up the Council and say something and everything will realign.”

“I’m sick of being important, Garrus. I want to go back to the simple life of a soldier. Just… give me a problem I can shoot.”

“I seriously doubt that there’ll be another war. And if there is, it won’t be between any of our races.” Garrus cupped the back of her head. “You made sure of that.”

“What about you?” Elrika pushed herself up onto her elbow. “Are you still saying no?”

“No.” Garrus shook his head. “No way in hell.”

“Councillor Vakarian has a nice ring to it though, Garrus.”

He pointed at her. “So does Councillor Shepard.” He sat up, the sheet spilling down around his waist, and pulled her across his lap. “So. Who are you going to choose in your place? Because you have to choose.”

“I don’t know…” Elrika twined her fingers with his and stroked her nails along his wrist. “Hackett won’t do it. I nearly ruined Anderson by putting him as Councillor, so I can’t ask that of Hackett. Neither will Ashley. She hates politics, and she’d probably be not very good at them. Chakwas only wants to be a doctor. And… everyone else is dead.”

“Not everyone…”

Elrika closed her eyes and clenched her fists.

_Damn_.

“It’s only until someone else comes along.”

“I know.”

“Will you stay with me?” She buried her face in his shoulder.

His mouth touched her hair, his mandibles fluttering against her temple. “Forever.”

Elrika lifted her head and looked up at him, tears flowing down her face. “Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. The only good thing that came out of the Reapers. The only thing I can’t hate them for.” She gasped as pain clenched her chest and she clutched at him. “I know it’s selfish… But I’m glad the Reapers came, if only so I could be with you.”

Garrus leant forward and kissed her, holding her close. No passion to the kiss. No heat. Just… pain. And joy. And love.

“I love you, Elrika Shepard.”

“And I love you, Garrus Vakarian.” She drew away, blinking. Then she turned and swung her legs off the bed. “I better go tell Joker to bring the _Normandy_ back to the Citadel.”

Garrus held her tightly. “Wait.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him, eyes wide. He cupped her face and drew her back to the bed. “A few more hours. Please. Just a bit more time…”

Elrika gasped, fresh pain washing up. It would always hurt, she realised. The guilt that she got to live. The people she lost. The people she loved. Her memories of the war. She would always have her traumatic stress. She would always have nightmares. But she would also always have Garrus, and that made it bearable.

Sliding back into the bed, she wrapped her arms around him, and he pressed his forehead against hers, holding her naked form close against his.

“As long as you want.”

**[N7]**

Councillor T’Soni glanced back at the others with a rustle of her dress. “This is it. The first unified Council since the war. Are you ready?”

Councillor Tali’Zorah nodded and stopped wringing her hands. “Yes. No. I think so.” She smoothed down her quarian finery. It was still an environmental suit, but she no longer had a mask on, her immune system sufficiently bolstered by the geth in her suit to be able to walk around without it.

“You will do fine, Councillor,” said Councillor Branka, touching the young quarian’s shoulder. Unlike the others, her formal attire was the same as always, no changes made for her ascension in rank. “The people love you.”

“For now,” she groused.

“I think this is the first time the females have outnumbered the males.” The turian councillor was named Artannus Craion. He was a handsome turian, according to Garrus, with a long crest and ornate tribal markings. He straightened his collar, and then checked the black arm band tied to his right arm. This prompted everyone else to do so.

Councillor Kirrahe laughed. His attire was still slightly military, and he wore some components of armour, but that was to remind himself of where he had come from, and what he was fighting for on the Council instead of on the field. “Not only that, Craion, but we’re surrounded by heroes.”

“We’re not heroes,” countered Elrika. “We’re just alive.”

“The crowd has assembled,” reported Councillor Gestalt, the geth platform appointed to the position. It had been specifically designed for the role, much of the organic material of its body hidden by robes, its armoured carapace flashy rather than practical, and its head was not a hood, but an ornate crown-like crest. “They are ready.”

“Alright.” Councillor T’Soni kissed the cheek of her drell husband and stepped out into the hallway. “Come on.”

Feet followed her, not just the Council, but all those that stood by them and supported them. The Council would no longer stand alone, or above, or apart from the people they ruled. Not anymore.

Councillor T’Soni and Feron emerged from the darkness onto the floor, and all around them, standing on the same level as they, a roar erupted. A roar that grew louder with Councillor Craion and Councillor Kirrahe’s emergence. A roar that swelled when Councillor T’Soni, Centurion and Councillor Gestalt followed suit. A roar that was drowned out by krogan when Councillor Branka stepped into the light.

Councillor T’Soni held up her hand, and the crowd fell silent. All the unified races stared back. Literally, all of them. Not just turians, humans, asari and salarians. Not simply volus and elcor and hanar, either. Geth were in the crowd. Quarians. Krogans. Vorcha. Batarians. And here and there were the massive forms of rachni, sparing time from their work so their queen could pay homage to their new leaders and their hero.

In the corners were the uniforms of the Blue Suns, the Eclipse, and even splashes of red from the Blood Pack.

There were soldiers and civilians. Mercenaries and criminals. All were given amnesty to attend the ceremony. Everyone was invited.

“Thank you all for coming here. Thank you all for celebrating with us. Thank you all for everything.” Councillor T’Soni looked over her shoulder, and then back at the crowd. “It has been a trying time for us. A dark time. We have suffered. And we have lost.”

“The mistakes of the past have been learned,” added Councillor Tali’Zorah. “Wars have been ended. Peace has been brokered. We are entering a new age of coexistence and cooperation.”

“Much was destroyed when the Reapers came,” said Councillor Craion, his strong voice ringing out as he put his hand on Tali’s shoulder to support her at her first official Council hearing. “But we will rebuild. Together. And we, the Council, will toil right beside you. We will get our hands dirty, and sweat, as we once bled and sweated beside you.”

Kirrahe spoke up next. “The ranks of the Spectres have been dissolved. No longer will the Council stand apart from you, with our agents doing our bidding. We are a part of you. We are one of you. And you are us.”

“It is not a utopian time.” Councillor Branka was the first female krogan many had seen, and she immediately commanded respect. “It will not be a time of complete peace. But we all have fought for our right to live. And we have fought together. So we shall continue to do so. All races, all roles, working together. Cooperating. For a new future for our children.”

“We have learned,” came Gestalt’s voice, programmed for emotional enthusiasm and empathy. “We have changed. We have adapted. We have evolved. Mistakes were made. But we forgive. Wars were fought, but we survive.”

“And as long as we survive,” said Councillor T’Soni, “there is hope. But this survival has come at a heavy cost, and a heavy price. We will forever honour the fallen, and we will do so by seeing out our tomorrow. And though many heroes have brought us here, it is undeniable that there is one person to whom we owe our thanks. Someone who fought for us before we even knew we were in danger. Someone who has died for us, twice, and returned to help us. Someone to whom we owe everything.”

The Councillor’s parted and two new forms emerged from the hall. A turian, heavily scarred, battle worn, wearing full heavy turian armour. His face was as known as the human woman who walked beside him, her head high, and her body draped in an elegant military dress uniform that would forever remind everyone  - and herself – of who she really was.

“May I present our newest human Councillor. Elrika Shepard.”

And the Citadel thundered with a roar of approval, a roar that was echoed by all of those watching from other parts of the galaxy, a roar that declared that they were there, that they lived, and that they survived.

**[N7]**

An entity closed its eyes and its consciousness, trusting the cycle of existence into the chaotic hands of organics. Whatever happened next… happened. And it was up to them to decide their own fate.

**[N7]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all!
> 
> This is my very first port-over from FF.net to here (not including ItSoG which is a rewrite). Ad Infinitum was written back in 2012, about 15 minutes after I finished the end of Mass Effect 3. Please bear in mind that this was written pre-Citadel DLC, so anyone who has any objections try and remember that!
> 
> I tried to keep it as true to the original as I could, but I did make some minor tweaks to the content! I would like to think I've changed as a writer since then, since this is veeery dialogue heavy and I am not the biggest fan of dialogue. As such, I definitely would have changed this fic to be something different. But it was largely me venting through my primary Shepard :) I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Please let me know what you think, regardless! And as always point out any mistakes!
> 
> Love
> 
> Anne

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note at the end of the work!


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